A Mail from a Junior...

Caution: Do not read this post if you're not fine with anything said about your department or club. The author has expressed his own views and expects you to have a sense of humor. So you are advised to continue only if you have the ability to take the punch. Otherwise, please do not read the article to avoid any misunderstandings.

Hi there.

Sir,

I have cleared BITSAT with a score of 465 and have opted for EEE even though my interest is in Computer Science... simply because I've heard that BITS has the best EEE faculty in the country. I hope I've made the right decision... by subduing my interest in the hope of making more money in the future.
Apparently a lot of people in your batch including the BITSAT topper on campus have done the same too.

It seems that in BITS what matters more than anything is which department you are in. People judge your character just by asking you your department name... so I wanted to be super-sure about which department to join.

I have asked a lot of seniors for help in this regard on a particular community on Orkut but so far all of them have scared me off by asking me to visit them in their rooms. You see, I'm already tensed because I'm going to start a new chapter of my life and will be living all alone for the first time in my life... I have to do all my packing, arrange for my parents' accommodation and appear in an interview too... and these people are just making things worse for me for the sake of fun... but dont worry about that, Sir... I dont mind... I just hope they will grow up!

So tell me, Sir... which department should I join?

I've heard that you are in a department called Backstage. Wow... that sounds super-cool! But tell me... is it true that most of you laze around from work and spend all your time fagging and boozing? That is so careless and irresponsible. Also, someone told me that your favourite game involves touching other guys' nipples! No wonder everyone else thinks you are all the other type. Please tell me that all these are rumors.
I'm sure things are not that bad, Sir... since your department has the most creative bunch of brains on campus. You guys are everywhere... ELAS, ARBITS, MIME, Photog... almost all clubs I've heard of... I also heard that you guys have the best quizzers and gamers in your department. You organize an entire OASIS event called BLAB all by yourselves too... Wow! I think all the other guys are just jealous of you. I will definitely consider joining your department.

Or should I join Controlz, Sir? I've heard that recruitment there lasts for over a month... are they really that choosey? They must be taking only the very best. But tell me something... is it true that they always screw up the time schedules they make for OASIS... do events really get postponed by over six hours? You backstage guys must be having a really hard time staying awake 24 hours a day clueless about when to change the stage settings next. I'd really wish they took others' problems seriously.

What about ArtnDee, Sir? They're such a huge department! They make wonderful paintings and backdrops. Their structure get all the praise in the world while nobody ever compliments your structures. Tell me something, Sir, why do people even compare their structures with yours? You guys build some twenty structures with a workforce of twenty-five odd... while their seventy people work on just one structure... theirs is bound to be much better! Why do people ever compare? This is so unfair!
Also, I've heard that you guys decide the stage themes and make structures accordingly... but everytime they come up with backdrops that are nothing close to matching your structures and stage theme... why is it so, Sir? Why do they just show-off their painting skills and get all the praise rather than creating a good stage together with you? This is so not cool... you guys then bear all the blame of putting up a bad stage!
I have also heard that they have to come up with about a hundred and fifty different names for the events before finally deciding upon it... are they really that un-creative?

You see... I'm really confused, Sir!

Or should I join DoPy, Sir? I've heard that they are all super-cool. They organize large-scale interactions which include a shikanji treat and a game called Treasure Hunt. Are they really that desperate for recruitments?
I wonder why! Is it true that half the people initially recruited join some other department within a month? Why is that so, Sir?
Also... what is their work like? Someone told me that all they do in their first year is stand and write names and ID nos. of people they have taken pictures of... is it really just that? I will definitely give second thoughts to joining them.
And by the way... if clicking pictures and delivering them is all they do... why do they call themselves a Department in the first place?

You have to help me out with all these choices, Sir! I am really torn between the pros and cons of all these departments. I wont even bother asking you about DoT, Lights and Sounds because they are all like... totally gay!

Also, tell me something, Sir... Contorlz, SponZ, Informalz... why do all department names end in 'Z' instead of 'S'. Are you trying to show the world how wannabe you are? Thankfully your department is sane enough to call themselves Stage Controls! I wonder if they'll also consider changing the name of your yearly event to OASIZ... please dont let them do that, Sir! It will be a total disaster.

I've also heard that some people in a club called HDC are so perverted that they make juniors strip and make poses with objects during interactions... that is so disgusting, Sir! Don't they have any self-respect or anything... using the helplessness of newcomers to satisfy their sexual desperation. Please tell me when and where they will have their recruitments so I can be sure where NOT to go!

Anyway, thankyou for going through the entire mail, Sir. I'm sure you will solve my problem and help me decide which department I should join. As of right now, they all look pretty fucked up to me. I will be looking forward to your reply.